Miss Jones and I

Throughout my life I been told by various people that I am exactly like Bridget Jones. Having given it some thought, I decided to write a list of what we have in common:

I spend most of my days wearing short skirts and fannying around with press releases.

And I'm always going to be just a little bit fat.

Consequently, I regularly have to wear my scary-stomach-holding-in knickers.

I am often turning up to parties in clothes deemed inappropriate by others.

I like to think I can speak German until the moment calls for it.

My best friends are either sluts, gays or emotional wrecks, and they're all fabulous.

I often drink more than I should.

Resulting in various wobbly bits that should stay hidden from all who value sight.

I spend the majority of my time trying to look glamorous

Then end up looking ridiculous anyway.

I have a severe lack of geography knowledge,

Regularly put my foot in my mouth,

And sing loudly in between cigarettes when drunk.

For the past 5 years, my new years resolutions have been to loose weight and quit smoking.

People often mock me for my stupidity which is completely unnecessary.

In my 25 years on this planet, I have spectacularly fallen off ski lifts 4 times (T-lifts not included),

Travelled the world,

Owned these pyjamas,

And fallen for all of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.

Luckily, for the moment, everything seems to be going well.

But as we all know, it is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going well, another falls spectacularly to pieces.

Let's see shall we?